Love Thy Self

So Luis and I have been having some problems, mostly stemming from my low self-worth and his habit of criticizing me in little blips of time. Last night was an old criticism, that I don’t have sex with him like I used to. I ask him, “how much sex did we use to have?”, “All the time!” is my answer. But I remind him, he’s had this criticism of me since the second month of our relationship. I do the best and most I can. The quality and quantity of sex he gets is at its height. Sorry. And to be completely honest, there are plenty of men I’ve been with that were beyond happy with what they got.

Any ways, my mom got into this fight and told me to not let him make me feel bad. To love myself.

Love myself…. I’ve often heard this and never really understood what it meant. I have loved myself haven’t I? I bathe, a go to school, I do my hair and eat well. “That’s love” I thought. But I was s wrong.

For the first time ever, EVER, I understood what “love yourself” means! I think the reason I never understood that is because (even though I love my mom) I had never been in love until Luis. I need to treat my self and think as fondly as myself as I do of Luis. If I’m always thinking of myself they I do about that bitch in that class I had Then I’m not loving myself!

I have to think of myself the way I would a lover. Highlighting positives, down playing negatives, be honest with myself, take myself out to all the places that interest me.I mean really LOVE myself.

It’s amazing! Wow! After 21 (nearly 22) years of being me I finally understand what it means to love myself.I totally get it and I can totally act on it.I love Luis but, I think I am going to be having a life long affair with myself.

 

Christmas Wish List/ What I Will Buy When I Get a Real Job

Okay so the holiday’s are around the corner! This means tons of traditions will come out of hibernation, people will be in a better mood and everything will just be fabulous. Some people like to out their cynicism into the “holiday pot” and say negative things like, “it’s just a consumerist holiday”. Well, poo poo to you out there who don’t know how to have a little light hearted joy in your lives. As for me, I’m ready to embrace the best sixth of the year with arms wide open (legs and eyes too)!

I’ve already started the season by being in a great relationship with my fiance, and buying myself a cellphone and plan that isn’t from 2004. Luis and Carolin have been dealing with my new phone mania all day yesterday. They really are troopers aren’t they?

Any who, let’s get into the nitty gritty! The following is a list of things that I would like to either receive as a gift or would like to buy once I get my teaching career going:

The Best Wish List Ever Compiled!

• Anything from Swarovski Crystals (especially the Alice collection)
• A fabulous and functional laptop case
• SHOES!
• The Harry Potter Blu-Ray box set
• A blu-ray player
• A kick-ass Swiss roller bag
• Pedicures
• A Tempurpedic queen mattress
• A coffee maker that has that delay function
• Good/Sexy/ Comfy bras and undies
• Children’s book for my future classroom!

See? I’m not asking for much. Just the essentials!

 

Fun Game After a Storm

South Florida is famous for a lot of things, hot bodies, sunny weather, beaches, Cubans, Mr.305.But it is notorious (especially among locals) for its mid summer storms. For the everyday Miamian the monotonously crappy weather gets a little old. We know all the sunken areas that collect water, we know not to park on the grass unless you have four wheel drive and we also know that after a storm mosquitoes multiply in number. Like I said, boring. So I have invented a somewhat morbid driving game!

ROAD KILL OR PALM FRAWN?

You see, Miami has the perfect weather for growing a variety of palm trees and our neighborhood landscapes take full advantage of that fact. They are EVERYWHERE. The problem is after a storm their frawns tend to get scattered all over the roads and from a distance they kind of look like road kill, especially if it’s still wet outside.

Here’s what you do. As you’re driving find a suspicious looking object on the street, guess whether it’s a palm frawn or road kill since there is an upsurgance of the two after a storm.

That’s it. that’s the game! Thanks for playing!

 

To Those Eyes

Dear Anonymous Viewer,

Yes, you. I have told but two people about my blog, my fiance and a single friend. So, how is it that I suddenly have 16 views on a Saturday that I never even posted on? I’m not entirely sure whether to be flattered that some would take the time to see what I (a self proclaimed boring girl) or be frightened that a stranger is interested in the nonsense of a very boring girl. I believe that you ought to identify yourself.

Sincerely,

Me

 

When the Urge Hits You

I can smell the seasonal change in the air (literally I can smell the temperature dropping) and it’s giving me tingling feelings all over! More than that, it’s giving me an urge to go out and buy some crafts for decoration. Mind you, I already have two drawers, 3 small boxes and a shelf in the garage full of crafts at home but it’s never enough! Besides it’s not like I’m trying to be the next Martha Stewart or anything. So, today I will go to my Wal-Mart and purchase the following,

• glue for my glue gun
• clothes pins
• cheese cloth
• yarn for a scarf (I’m taking up knitting again)
• an ink pad

There are so many Halloween crafts I want to do it’s not even funny! Seriously! Today I’m going to make clothes pin bats (ala Martha Stewart) with my kids for this spooky time of year. I’m sure they will love it and if they don’t I will silently cry myself to sleep.
I haven’t had an urge this strong and compelling since that time I ate nothing but a fired egg on white rice for a week!

 

It’s all about perspective, or loss of hope.

Today I had such an AWESOME day. Even though I really shouldn’t have. You see, theoretically speaking, if one were to add up all the horribleness that happened to me today one would have to conclude that I’ve had a “bad day”. But for some unknown reason, a smile has not ceased to be on my face. Even as I came home at the end of my day,I didn’t through myself on the couch face first into a dog hair infested pillow and fall into a deep coma. No, instead I said, what a great and insightful day! I ought to blog it!

HORRIBLE THING NUMBER ONE:

So, here’s what happened. It all started around 4:00AM today when I woke up with my first ever bout of heartburn. Now, you may be asking yourself, if it was your first ever, how do you know it was heartburn? My answer to that is as follows: because it felt like a weird burning sensation unlike a sore throat throughout the length of my upper esophagus. But then again, it really could have just been the feeling of a feral alien impregnating me E.T.-finger-pointing style (who knows?). Either way It hurt like a bitch and kept me up which led to……

HORRIBLE THING NUMBER TWO:

Me being late to my mathematics class, which is really not THAT bad but I just don’t like being late to classes if  can help it.

HORRIBLE THING NUMBER THREE:

So.. some stuff happens in the middle and then we get to……work.

Without getting into detail, I am in child care andI had one of the worst possible things happen today >_<. A child ran out of my class! Now, here are the major problems:

1. I don’t have a phone in my classroom so I have to use my cell which means i must go through all the prompts before reaching a superior.

2. I can’t leave the rest of my students to go after the runner.

3. I can’t not go after the runner.

What’s a girl to do? Have her class line up outside the room and go under the watch of another teacher while I run wildly to find my lost sheep (the runner). I find my sheep and he is very upset and I’m just relieved that the child is fine a few calming words a supportive pat on the back and everything is back to normal, until the lost sheep does it AGAIN! No lie. Again. Same thing happens only this time I finally get through to my superiors and they handle it from there. When I see my sheep next there is a big fluff of cotton candy gleefully hanging from their mouth and sticking to their hands. ( If I run out will I too receive cotton candy bliss???)

Okay so a few bad things, not so awful right? you’re probably telling me, “get over it”,”it’s not that bad”. Hold your judgments for later because that’s not the end of it.

HORRIBLE THING NUMBER FOUR:

I’m wearing a lovely babydoll dress that I received from my in-laws last Christmas. I love it. It’s a ashy grey color, hits just below my knees and has these feminine eyelets  that create two bold stripes across the middle. NEVER WEARING IT AGAIN. Why? Because a T.A. asks me, “Are you pregnant?” I’m not even fat! My BMI is in perfectly in the middle! What gives? I could tell she was embarrassed when I said “No” so I played it off like i really wasn’t understanding what she said.

HORRIBLE THING NUMBER FIVE (LAST HORRIBLE THING):

I’m going to keep this one short. I got pegged in the back with a football by a fourth grader. Both my ego and back are now hurt.

So now I’m home and I’m still smiling and happy and I realize that all of these things could have derailed my mood but I managed to laugh at myself and say,”well, at least it didn’t rain”.

 

 

 

Why Does Math Hate Me, When All I Do is Love It?

I don’t want to go on forever about this but here is the gist of the problem! I’ve submitted 2 assignments both of which I spent a very long time creating and both of which I have received a D on. Let’s back up a second, I have never received a D before in my entire college career. EVER. I feel like my throat is closing in on me., I don’t understand where I’m going wrong with these assignments. And the worse part is that I need to do well on these assignments to understand the up and coming assignments. I study,I bring my book to class, I take notes. None of my normal strategies seems to be paying off. So that leaves me with two options,

1. Ask the teacher where it is that I went wrong.

2. Hope she’s a lesbian and give her “what she wants”.

I’m a decent and upstanding citizen! Of course I’m picking option 1. I’m just saying.

 

Fredrick R. Douglass

Today I’m starting my first day at a zone 1 school. This means that 80 to100% of the children attending receive free or reduced lunch. It also means that school funding is low and the students may not have as many resources as the school I’m used to, Calusa. At first the thought of going to a “poor” school was scary. There seems to be some unfounded stereotype about underfunded schools. They are small, they are mean, they don’t care about an education, it is unsafe, the building is falling apart, the teachers are lazy, the parents don’t care. But when I decided to analyze why it was that I had these prejudices I realized, that none of it came from personal experience.

All of my stereotypes and thoughts have come from movies like Lean on Me or Freedom Writers. It was from the afternoon news that reported a knife found in a high school from some Zone 1 school but failed to report the knife that a classmate of mine brought in a teddy bear with the intention of stabbing a rival at my upper middle class school. None of those fears had been supported by personal experience, in fact, just the opposite!

It was in a Zone 1 and Zone 2 school that I encountered teachers who couldn’t care less about the success of their students, that resented their jobs. It was in these pristine and prestigious school that I saw children give back talk to their superiors and who failed FCATs becuase they just don’t think it’s that important. And it was in these schools that I experienced parents that really have no clue what’s going on with their children’s school life. These issues had come to me from real life experiences.

That being the case, I choose to approach this new school with as much enthusiasm and willingness to do good as I would with any other school The function of the building is the same, to create people who are well informed and educated enough to be successful adults who better the community. I intend to observe my classroom and take delight in the children as they stumble upon new information and come to realizations. I ultimately intend to be a teacher, no matter where I go.

 

 

 

A New Purpose

Recently I’ve realized that I haven’t logged in to an endless void of time wasted Facebook in a long time. It’s not that it got any more or less boring but the truth is, none of my close friends use it to update me on their lives. We text or meet up with each other. In my humble opinion this is better than posting a 140 word message on a virtual screen. That being the case, I will endeavor to continue this blog as my muggle pensieve.

 

 

Mom(s)

I awoke this morning in sheer agony stemming from my tummy. Apparently when you buy a bag of roasted and salted sunflowers, it’s not a good idea to eat the entire thing in a single sitting.m To which I ask, “but why”? In my experience with the animal kingdom food that are patterned want to get noticed. They want to be eaten. The stripes are really just nature’s Morse code saying “eat me! I’m delicious”!

Maybe, my stomach is like a hot dance club. If you put too few kernels in there it’s a pretty lame freaking party… but too many and its just uncomfortable. All the little kernels of yumminess were trying to get their dance on but I made it to crowded and they rebelled. Just my thoughts.

Any who, I love labels. Not labels like labeling people with faux hawks as desperate, or men driving Hummers as genuine a**holes. No, I mean something simpler than that. I’m saying paper with sticky sides, tabs that stick out of notebooks, the unabashed joy of giving something a name and purpose with the power that is my mighty permanent marker. Which bring me to the conclusion that in my current relationship, I need Mom labels.

You see, the great thing about being in a serious relationship is that you usually get to double up on a lot of things you have such as moms. The only problem is that all moms tend to have the same name, “Mom”. So Luis and I have trouble telling them apart. I could of course easily say,”your mom” versus “my mom” but that just sounds like I don’t want to take ownership of the mom in question. Why wouldn’t I? I mean I get great benefits like, gifts on birthdays and holidays, home cooked meals, cuddles! So I don’t really want to do that.

My solution is that one mother get labeled as “Mom” and another as “Mama”. I’m envisioning something along the lines of each mom wearing individual labels stating their new name until the family can adjust. Now the problem is how do we assign the names….. I propose a sort of gauntlet with rings of fire. But that’s just an idea. We could just pull names from a hat but that seems rather anti-climactic. Is there a game show about this already? maybe some where in Japan?