So Luis and I have been having some problems, mostly stemming from my low self-worth and his habit of criticizing me in little blips of time. Last night was an old criticism, that I don’t have sex with him like I used to. I ask him, “how much sex did we use to have?”, “All the time!” is my answer. But I remind him, he’s had this criticism of me since the second month of our relationship. I do the best and most I can. The quality and quantity of sex he gets is at its height. Sorry. And to be completely honest, there are plenty of men I’ve been with that were beyond happy with what they got.
Any ways, my mom got into this fight and told me to not let him make me feel bad. To love myself.
Love myself…. I’ve often heard this and never really understood what it meant. I have loved myself haven’t I? I bathe, a go to school, I do my hair and eat well. “That’s love” I thought. But I was s wrong.
For the first time ever, EVER, I understood what “love yourself” means! I think the reason I never understood that is because (even though I love my mom) I had never been in love until Luis. I need to treat my self and think as fondly as myself as I do of Luis. If I’m always thinking of myself they I do about that bitch in that class I had Then I’m not loving myself!
I have to think of myself the way I would a lover. Highlighting positives, down playing negatives, be honest with myself, take myself out to all the places that interest me.I mean really LOVE myself.
It’s amazing! Wow! After 21 (nearly 22) years of being me I finally understand what it means to love myself.I totally get it and I can totally act on it.I love Luis but, I think I am going to be having a life long affair with myself. 
